Marriage: It’s What You Make It
My parents turn 40 this week. 40 whole years of doing marriage! Of choosing each other. Of loving and growing together. Awesome stuv!
I’m super proud of them and grateful I get a front roll seat to the unraveling of this beautiful thing.
In society today, we’re seeing so many weddings happening, so many people coming together and starting life. Yet we’re also seeing quite a number of people splitting up and being irreconcilable. I always wondered what the straw that breaks the camel’s back is. Especially considering the sacredness of marriage and assuming that people are aware what they commit to when getting married. Whatever the reasons, I am convinced that marriage is what the two who become one make of it.
Lucky for me, I’ve seen mostly good marriages, and one thing that stands out for me is the power of choice. Right from the beginning, you get to choose. It’s like that with every thing else only that with this one it is intended as a choice you stick to for life. It’s not a career that you get to switch up on or reconsider. It’s not an “I’m angry so I’m not doing again” kind of choice. It’s a choice for better or worse, till death do you part.
3 things I’ve watched my parents do over the years that I think has kept them going are
- Talking to each other: These guys talk! Respectfully and considerately, most of the time. About every damn thing. There’s literally no secrets between them, I promise you. They have so many conversations and I wonder about that. By talking, they’ve been able to learn themselves so much so there’s no ambiguity- if he’s angry she knows, if she’s done with something he can tell, if something isn’t right they’re in sync. Just by hearing themselves speak. There’s no assuming or guessing about anything, they always know what’s up because it’s spoken clearly. I think this is that communication thing we’re on about in this generation, these guys have it hacked. And they speak to their children as well, oh the conversations we have 😅
- Having a Shared Faith in God: This is the biggest thing for me cause I’ve watched them weather storms that could crumble them, together, by looking up. You see, in the multitude of words offense is inevitable. So talking doesn’t solve everything, infact, sometimes it’s the catalyst. But these two, at their best and worst, find common ground in the presence of the Father. They study the word together to get the right answers, they pray for, about and with each other. They’ve prayed their way through so many difficult times, so many good times, that I can’t help but believe in the God that they call on. All my life, God has been their plan… if He didn’t come through then it wasn’t to be. He always comes through 🙌🏼
- Choosing each other: Finally, I’d have said that the last thing was love and it is but more deliberate. These two have chosen themselves over and over again for 40 good years. They chose to stay, to wake up to that face again, to forgive, to be vulnerable, to agree to disagree, to be their best selves for each other, to show up even when it was the hardest thing to do, to have the difficult conversations, to nurse themselves back to life, to cover each other, to do life together. It has always been them against the world. I never saw anything come between them, not even us their children. They always have a united front and I see now that it is their ability to trust God and stay the course that makes the difference.
This is an epistle but I think it’s worth it. 40 years no be beans! They’ve come a long way and had ample time to be able to learn the ropes and learn themselves. All things considered, I think they’ve done well, all by the grace of God.
Marriage is what you make it, you choose what it will be for you. But two people who are deliberate about being together and who keep God at the center of their marriage are definitely bound make it. Good luck out there 😘
